Capricorn

Personality

Capricorns are the people who finish a project three weeks early and then spend those three weeks secretly doing extra work just in case. They've got ambition coursing through their veins instead of blood, and they're quietly convinced that if they stop being productive for five minutes, everything will collapse. They come across as serious — maybe even a bit posh — but get a few drinks in them and they're absolutely feral. Don't be fooled by the sensible shoes. There's a chaos gremlin under there, it just has a very good pension plan.

Perfect Career

Capricorns are built for roles where someone needs to keep their head while everyone else loses theirs. Think CEO, head surgeon, barrister, or senior civil servant. They also make brilliant accountants, architects, and project managers — basically anything where attention to detail and a love of a good spreadsheet pays off. They'd also be a brilliant funeral director. Calm, reliable, and absolutely zero chance of them turning up late.

Perfect Partner

Capricorn needs a partner who respects a five-year plan and won't try to drag them to a spontaneous festival in a muddy field when they've got an early start. Taurus brings warmth and loyalty without being needy — they'll happily sit in comfortable silence while you work late. Virgo gets the drive, matches the standards, and will never leave a wet towel on the floor. It's not glamorous, but it's a well-oiled machine, and honestly? That's hot.

Disaster Partner

Oh, Aries is exciting, alright. Thrilling, even. For about six weeks. Then Capricorn realises that Aries has no idea where their bank card is, has booked a holiday without checking dates, and genuinely believes "winging it" is a life strategy. The rows will be spectacular. Capricorn will want a plan; Aries will have already changed the plan twice before breakfast. Sagittarius is also a difficult match — lovely people, but they'd rather go backpacking than buy a house, and Capricorn simply cannot.